you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
