Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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