lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
