I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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