Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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