I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
