I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
