Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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