Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
