Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
