She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
