the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
