she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
