I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize