so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
We talked him into tasing himself.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Randomize
