And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
