mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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