Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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