i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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