Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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