Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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