I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
