i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i think i have two assholes
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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