i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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