Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize