dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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