Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
