i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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