Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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