I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
