I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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