Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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