If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
