Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
