I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Sorry my hands just texted you
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
