Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
