I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
