The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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