Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
