Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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