the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
