your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
