you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
