I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
