there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
