Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
