last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
