She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize