My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Well I just put wine in my tea
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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