I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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