Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Also, beer. Big fan.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
