Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize