Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
