Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
