Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Drunk is not a location!
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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