Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
