I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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