Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
