I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
