I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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