I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
