and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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