no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
