Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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