its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
