why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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