it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
