I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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