Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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