6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
420 ftw
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
