Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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