Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i will never coherently bang her
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
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