you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
