Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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