Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
