Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
