I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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